Cybertron Flower

See, I'm one of those jerks who always skips ahead to the last page of a book before he reads it.

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:45:16 GMT

-- Midnigher in "Midnigher #8" --
(Yes, I do it too. Almost always ^^")

The funny thing is that when I re-read thing I wrote (yesterday, a few days ago ...) they sound so much better than while writing, while stumbling from image to image, tripping over words, changing languages in my head. It's usually pictures and feeling a story or a scene will start with - a smile, entwined hands, a cityscape, the pain of a loss, the burn of a rediscovery.

Sometimes, I find a splinter of an idea and with it things click into places.

I've seen an image - again and again, different scenes, but the same effect - of J. spitting blood after having used his powers. A powerful image, but one that did not fit into the world of his mental powers, which cannot hurt him himself, not that much. A darkside will see the other, feel his pain, but still know the orders between the self and the other. And an angel should not be able to?
I've also seen what happens to others, it's never that bad. So I did not write, not knowing the reason. Then I realized (reading Authority and given Midnighter's sole not-killing principle, yes, I'm obsessed right now), that it is not the powers hurt, but the shielding. What hurts, is to build up a shield to protect the ones he does not want hurt. A shield to stop the darkness - black, torn dragon wings do not go together with a nice power, really - spreading. The shield makes it return to him. A darkside can't shield anyone else. An angel, a Shadian, can.

Still, the actual piece from this universe I'm writing right now is giving me trouble. Less writing wise - I know how the things happen, I know why, I know my heroes -, but more because some of the ideas are definitely offensive to some. I know, don't want, don't read. But have I ever mentioned how much I hate drama and wank? And both question, those of religion and those of choice tend to cause a lot of drama and hurt feeling. It's a story, it's my right as an author, and I would be OK in a book. But on the Internet, the place where I tend to avoid some topics (in this case: religion, pro-choice) like fire, because even the slightest mention tends to start unnecessary drama?

Which more or less brings me to the second problematic story. There is a wannabe-fanfic from, uhm, two years ago, which meanwhile looks like a sound idea for an original novella. Slightly steampunk-y (without the steam). There is an interesting society and a tale of power, politics, responsibility and falling in love. The problem? There is a senator, a woman, my point of view character, and she will step back from her ambitions to make room for a man. It makes sense - she would not have done it for anyone else, she would fight to become the X (insert a spectacular title here I still need to find, though I know the function), she does indeed fight, ruthlessly, because she knows that she is the best. Until she realized that there is one single person who is, though he might not know it, born for this position; who would do this world so much better than she ever could, even though she would be good, even excellent. And well, here my gender awareness cries out. Am I falling for the old traps? This way of the story is the only logical one for the characters, it grows and works, being the pivoting point of the tale, the "it's not those who seek power who should get it". And no, I don't want to reverse the genders. Not only because I prefer to write a female POV and heterosexual pairings, but because the two characters are there, fully fleshed out. She. He.
There is actually something slightly alike in the Shad universe, Alina stepping into the background while Justin climbs the military (which is the precondition for any political office in this world) and then the political ladder. But she has a different starting point, she does not want to get her hands dirty with the security (= the military of Mirtr) and the politics, at least not publicly. And latest when he - or rather they - are offered the chairmanship of the council, it's her who is the real person in power because J. can't. Later, she is the one to command the fleet, not him. And again, that's a coherent development from within this world, since J. is from the very beginning almost too fragile. Then things happen and well ... He and Alina more or less change places. Then again, this world is so old and it took me so long to find out how it works. Perhaps I should just wait and see what happens with that other story, without forcing. In the end, it's just for me, just for fun.

Love is --

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 17:52:53 GMT

-- to sit together (somewhere, anywhere) on the couch, the notebook on your lap, programming an infinite loop in s-lang and C++, discussing in which language the program looks more beautiful.

♥

things which made me happy lately

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 13:59:10 GMT

My roomba finally working. That makes me a very happy girl with a lot of less household chores. Now the only thing I need is a robot to do my dishes.

Packing parcels with tea and comics and sending them out.

Writing-sprints in the AIM-chatroom ‘schreibwut’. My story will never ever see light, because it's written in terrible English and a certain blonde-died redhead is far too whiny stumbling through an alternative Moscow to be his real self, but I wrote, I wrote fanfiction and I wrote in English, so I'm happy. Wanna join us? The next time we will meet and write will be Sunday, 7 p.m. UTC+1 (German standard winter time).

Cooking curries from this wonderful book (though I own the German version, courtesy of wonderful ♥ who gave it to me for my birthday). Also, having someone to cook for here is sooo~ great.

Going for long walks in the snow.

This great story. Spot-on characterisation and the atmosphere! The atmosphere! (Even though reading such great stories does not do a lot of good for my own attempts at fanfiction - but this is not supposed to be a whiny entry!).

Livejournal Statistics. Because ... Well, just because it's fun. And because I've used it for far too long for the Russian part of LJ only and now it finally fully works.

Uhm ... That's all? Kind of not really my days. Or weeks. Still:

Have a great year 2010 :)

books and comics '09

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 22:55:14 GMT

Keeping the tradition I established last year - here (two) lists of books and comics I read in 2009. Author, title (original and English) as well as the language and a mark on a scale from 0 to 5 I'd give the book. Purple are my ‘must reads’ for this year, books I'd recommend without a hesitation.

BOOKS

Aischylos	Die Perser (The Persians)	D	1
Althaus, Hans Peter	Chuzpe, Schmus & Tacheles – Jiddische Wortgeschichten (Jiddish Words and Their Stories)	D	1
Atwood, Margaret	The Handmaid's Tale	E	2
Borges, Jorge Luis	Fiktionen (Ficciones)	D	5
Borges, Jorge Luis	Das Aleph (El Aleph)	D	5
Brecht, Bertolt	Das Leben des Galilei (The Life of Galileo)	D	5
Card, Orson Scott	Ender's Game	E	5
Cechov, Anton	Собрание сочинений, Том четвёртый (Complete Edition, Volume 4)	R	5
Delany,Samuel R.	Einstein Intersection	E	2
Dostoyewsky, Fyodor	Бедные лёди - Белые ночи - Кроткая (Poor Folk - White Nights - A Gentle Creature)	R	4
Doyle, Arthur Conan	A Study in Scarlet	E	K
Doyle, Arthur Conan	The Sign of Four	E	K
Doyle, Arthur Conan	Adventures of Sherlock Holmes	E	K
Eco, Umberto	Die Bücher und das Paradies (ca.: The Books and the Paradise)	D	4
Eco, Umberto	Platon in Stripteaselocal. Parodien und Travsestien. (ca.: Plato in a Nightclub. Parodies and Travesties.)	D	5
Erofeyev, Victor	Бог Х God X	R	1
Flaubert, Gustave	Madame Bovary	D	4
Fontane, Theodor	Frau Jenny Treibel	D	4
Gaiman, Neil	Fragile Things (click for more)	E	3
Hammerschmitt, Markus	Target	D	1
Harper, Steven	Dreamer (click for more)	E	5
Hein, Christoph	Der Tangospieler (The Tango Player)(click for more)	D	4
Hoyle, Fred	The Black Cloud	E	3
Huxley, Aldous	Brave New World	E	5
Köhlmeier, Michael	Idylle mit ertrinkendem Hund (ca.: Idyll with a Drowning Dog)	D	2
Krauss, Heinrich	Die Engel Angels	D	0
LeGuin, Ursula K.	The Wind's Twelve Quarters	E	2
Lukjanenko, Sergei	Донырнуть до звёзд (ca.. Dive to the stars)	R	2
Marias, Javier	Mein Herz so weiß (A Heart So White)	D	1
Markschies, Christoph	Die Gnosis (Gnosis)	D	4
More, Thomas	Utopia	D	5
Orwell, George	1984 (click for more)	E	5
Pelevin,Viktor	P5 (click for more)	R	5
Pullman, Philip	The Golden Compass	E	5
Pullman, Philip	The Subtle Knife	E	3
Pullman, Philip	The Amber Spyglass	E	2
Reuter, Astrid	Voodoo und andere afroamerikanische Religionen (Voodoo and other Afroamerican Religions)	D	3
Sallaberger, Walter	Das Gilgamesch-Epos: Mythos, Werk und Tradition (The Gilgamesh-Epos: Myth, Opus and Tradition)	D	4
Schätzing, Frank	Tod und Teufel (Death and Devil)	D	1
Silverberg, Robert	The Man in the Maze	E	4
Silverberg, Robert	Nightwings	E	4
Sophokles	Philoklet (Philocletes)(click for more)	D	5
Sorokin, Vladimir	Лёд (Ice) (click for more)	R	4
Sorokin, Valdimir	Путь Бро (Bro's Way)	R	1
Stross, Charles	Atrocity Archives	E	3
Stross, Charles	Accelerando	E	2
Strugatzky, Arkady & Boris	Понедельник начинаеться в Субботу (Monday Begins on Saturday)	R	3
Werfel, Franz	Der Abituriententag (Class Reunion)	D	4
Wilhelm, Kate	Downstairs Room (click for more)	E	5
Wilhelm, Kate	Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang	E	5
Wolf, Christa / Wolff, Charlotte	Ja, unsere Kreise Berühren sich: Briefe (ca.: Yes, Our Spheres Touch: Letters)	D	5
Wolf, Christa	Die Lust, gekannt zu sein (not translatable play on words; short story collection with early works)	D	5
Zamyatin, Eugene	Мы (We)	R	5

COMICS

DC
Batman: Hush Vol. 1 & 2 (click for more I) (click for more II)
Batman: Heart of Hush
Batman: No Man's Land Vol. 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5
Batman: Road to No Man's Land
Batman: Year One
Batman: War on Crime
Batman - Huntress: Cry for Blood
Batman - Superman - Wonderwoman: Trinity
Gotham Knights: 1-25
Justice League of America: Vol. 3 1-41 (collected in: New World Order, American Dreams, Rock of Ages, Strength in Numbers, Justice for All, World War Three) (click for more)
Superman: Godfall
Superman Batman: 1-52 (collected in: Public Enemies, Supergirl, Absolute Power, Vengeance, Enemies Among Us, Torment, The Search for Kryptonite) & Annual 1-3
Trinity: 1-52 (collected in Trinity Vol. 1, 2 &3) (click for more I )(click for more II )
Watchmen (click for more)
Wonder Woman: Hiketeia

IDW
All Hail Megatron 1-12 (click for more)

Marvel
Ironman: Extremis
Ironman: Execute Command
Silver: Surfer A Parable (click for more)

Wildstorm
The Authority: Vol. 1 1-29 (collected in: Relentless, Under New Management, Earth Inferno and Other Stories, Transfer of Power) (click for more)
The Authority: Vol. 2 0-14 (collected in: Harsh Realities, Fractured Worlds)(click for more)
The Authority: Revolution Vol. 1 & 2
The Authority: Prime
The Authority: Vol. 4 1-17 (collected in: World's End, Rule Britannia)
The Authority: Human on the Inside (click for more)
The Authority: Scorched Earth
The Authority: Vol. 3 (Lost Year): 1-3
Dreamwar (DC-Wildstorm Crossover)
Grifter - Midnighter. 1-6 (collected in: Grifter & Midnighter)
Midnigher: 1-6 (collected in: Killing Machine)
Planetary - The Authority Ruling the World
Stormwatch: A Finer World

diverse
Coraline
EDEN 17
EDEN 18 (click for more)
Persepolis
Supergod 1

Well, those were a lot of more comics than I expected and with Authority a totally unexpected and almost non-existent *sighs* fandom; I love DC, but I don't feel all fandom-y towards it, "just" like enjoying the source material, with Authority on the other hand ..., - and that given that I'm much worse to track the comics I read (because I don't own most of them) than the books (which I almost all own - I'm very possessive when it comes to books). And I might try for 70 books next year. Just to keep in interesting for me - but than again, there is a diploma thesis, so 52 might end up being a greater challenge than this year, in spite of the diploma exam and all the nerves spend on the whole moving story and the family-health issues that made this year rather more eventful than expected. Any reading resolutions for the next year from your side?

associate this

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 13:37:14 GMT

We had a great Christmas party this Friday. And given that we were around 10 people cleaning up afterwards, even that part of it went fine and was almost fun. Two more days now, some near realtime data to be extracted, two times Erlangen for the lecture I'm tutoring and I'll be off to Heuberg for the first part of the Christmas holidays.

And as a compensation for the lack of a real entry - a meme.

I got 5 words to be associated from mousetail:

supernova
This I think I will forever associate with the summer academy in 2006 - which was perhaps the most formative experience during my studies and which made me decide to follow my dream and go into astrophysics and science. La Villa still sounds like magic to me: the science, the long talks in the evening, discussing just absolutely everything with people I did not know before but whom I connected to immediately. I would be a different person without La Villa. And the connection to Supernovae? My talk there was about SNs.

manga
I own more than I thought I do, that I realized just yesterday when I finally came around to unpack the box with my old mangas XD Anyway, my interest in comics started with French/Belgian and American ones, the ones the local library had, and than, with Sailor Moon wandered over to mangas. Sailor Moon was a big thing. Angel Sanctuary (come one, with Kira/Lucifer it had all I need to like a comic or book ...) was the next, I also liked Clamp's Wish, but I guess those were all the big shojo things I ever really liked - I was also never into the ornate overloaded pictures and big eyes. I read a lot, but those I really love are still EDEN and Berserk, both pretty hardcore, gore-y stories, with a great plot and great character as well as impressive artwork. NGE (Neon Genesis Evangelion) is still very impressive, but I don't even dare to hope for the comic to be finished at some point. Though in general mangas are not a focus of mine right now, I plan to (re)read Berserk and Angel Sanctuary soon.

planet X
My first association was something on the TV, but that was the ZDF's documntation series Terra X, on which I can't say a lot since I don't own and watch TV for 5 years now. That I had to google it up. Ahm well ... OK, WTF, why do people believe that crap? I mean, come one guys. This is just ridiculous. I don't even know where to start!

lost in translation
This is something I struggle with right now. There are things I can express best in German, things I can express best in English and, though fewer, things I can express best in Russian. When I try to write, the words will come in any of the languages and leave me struggling through dictionaries trying to find the perfect equivalent in the language I try to write in, mostly in vain, because there is a reason why my head comes with a word in this very language, not in the other one. Sometimes I wish I would concentrate on only one language. That would be a lot of easier.

U-Bahn
Munich! U-Bahn means Munich to be. Means going to MPE or to the university and means people reading. At some point I was asked whether I feel a difference between Augsburg and Munich and the difference was the U-Bahn, how so many people will sit there reading even in those parts of the underground which actually run over-ground. I like U-Bahn: quick, efficient and still running every five or 10 minutes after 10 p.m. and even later, something I dearly miss in Bamberg with 4 nightbus-lines going every 40 minutes after 8 p.m.

We only use the term superheroes for P.R. purposes. --

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:14:22 GMT

-- Truth is, we're the biggest bastards you'll ever meet.
- Jack in ‘The Authority - Scorched Earth’ -

Dear Comic-Con Attendee,

Thank you for registering for Comic-Con International: 
San Diego, July 22-25, 2010. Please take a few moments 
to review your registration information.  If corrections 
are necessary, please indicate the changes needed and 
fax them to ...

YEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Right, that means I'm going to San Diego this summer. Might still be that I do not manage to be there in time for the Comic-Con, but it will still be San Diego, which has more to offer than just the Comic-Con. Jup, it's a working trip. But I can take holidays in between. Oh, I can and I will. And work there is just so much fun!

Anybody else going? Anybody else just in the area in July, August or September?

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 15:58:54 GMT

It's a conscious effort to stay here. The pull to the other side is too strong: omnipotence, change-the-world, change-the-people, immortality of heroes and stories. I want to hide, to crawl under my blanket, to dream a never-ending dream. It's dark outside, too dark to be day. And nights are the time for dreaming. There is barely enough light to wake up enough to eat and to drink and than I want back into the warm darkness, through the black wall and into the shining days.

I never walked alone in my whole life. There always are, there always will be them. They are a secure place, I want to go there. I want to stay.

I want to close my eyes and change my skin, to slip behind the eyes of a killer knowing every probability before the fight even happens, of a redhaired heir of an economic empire, of the boy who will become the man whose decision will change the world, of the simple librarian who is the only hope and the last stand of ideals long forgotten. I want them to be here instead of me while I myself become one of these colourful shadows of the stars, whose past and future can change continuously. I want to melt the crystallized past and make it follow my will, to cool the boiling future by extending it into the infinity. I want a world with an endless amount of second chances, where every sunrise is still unique and so beautiful that it makes me wish to stay there watching it forever.

The thoughts come in flashes. Too intense to stay within, too short to be written down, too incoherent to speak about them. It drains all my power not to dive deeper, down, down towards the warmth of hidden volcanoes.

I want home, only that this home only exists as long as I dream. It dies when I open my eyes and all it leaves is an aching hole, a physical ache for something non-existent.

That's all you had to do; hug some little girl? --

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 12:02:45 GMT

-- Hug a particular little girl who would have a daughter, who would grow up to marry the man whose son would start the war that ... Anyway, yeah, that's all I had to do, sometimes that's all that's needed.
- The Authority, ‘Human on the Inside’ -

Because everyone and their grandmother is doing it and because I'm curious - meme time:

German:

Was ist das erste Wort, das dir einfällt, wenn du an mich denkst?
1. Gehe zu Google Bildersuche und suche nach dem Wort.
2. Antworte auf diesen Eintrag mit einem der Bilder von der ersten Ergebnisseite, aber verrat' mir das Wort nicht.
3. Pack das hier in dein eigenes LJ, damit ich das Gleiche bei dir machen kann. ♥

English:

What is the first word you that crosses your mind when you think of me?
1. Go to Google image search and search for this word.
2. Answer to this entry with one of the pictures from the first result page, but don't tell me what the word was.
3. Put this meme into you LJ, so I can do the same for you. ♥

Of course you don't need to put it into your LJ if you don't want to.

Life is pretty boring right now. I work, read papers, cook, squee over comics that don't even have a proper fandom, and read essays by Umberto Eco, while my usual winder depression is crawling up together with the mid-thesis-blues. But, if I force myself to look at it objectively, I'm pretty OK, I guess.

and what do you read on a lazy saturday?

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:22:05 GMT

It's a lazy Saturday, when next to cooking and some science - never going to skip that - all I do is to read the whole first and third volumes as well as the Revolution storyline of The Authority. Have wanted to do that for a while and enjoyed it a big deal - otherwise I would not have managed to go through over 50 issues within two days, would I?

I guess it says a lot about the comics I was socialized with that I did not think Authority to be that extreme. Yes, it's not your classic superhero comics where nobody dies and there is a reason why it should be for mature readers, especially in the later comics. But compared to say NGE, EDEN or Berserk, it was still very much OK and had a lot of cute moments in the middle of all the violence. The ‘framing scenes’ of Reality Incorporated, with Jenny trying to sneak into her parent's bed, the ‘Did you leave the light on last night?’, because Jenny does, well, shine? Or Apollo all flipping out because his daughter, who has been 8 just half an hour ago, just turned a mouthy teenager and lights up her fist cigarette directly in from of him? Cuteness overload.

What I liked are the characters, pretty well fleshed for mainstream American, I'd say. Apollo and Midnighter are to be liked. I mean, come on ... They are so sweet. The Engineer is great, for once a really well done female character and one whose power is not exactly a typical one associated with women. Both and even any of the Jenny's are wonderful. But those are my personal preference and I actually care, with a lot of reader's sympathy, for everyone on the team.

Sure, things could have been more fleshed out. The wedding would have been worth a few more pages. The angst when Midnighter does what he has to do to save Jenny Quantum would have earned a more in detail treatment. And what Fractal told her about him, You know what he thinks every time he sees you? It's not "I love you". It's I can kill you. In a million different ways. I think she pretty well knows that this is true, because even being 3 years old, she is still Jenny Quantum, the spirit of the 21st century. But things are still well done. I love the Jack & Angie storyline. It works, in all details. I love it, when love comes in different shapes in the same story and it does here, a lot.

I like the politics: well-written, dirty, where whatever you do will be turned against you. Comic-bookish and still real. I like the silly jokes, which work far better than the angst to create an atmosphere for a story and especially this story. I like how they are a team, how there are thread of love and friendship and sex and sympathy connecting all of them. Of course not as good as in a comic like Sandman, written by a single author knowing his heroes, but still nice and halfway consistent.

The stories, and the art, get worse toward the end of vol. 1, but are great again in 2 and The Revolution. I don't know a lot about the WildStorm universe, I also doubt that I will, but I will hunt down all the other Authority (and Midnigher) stories for sure, as I just ordered World's End.

a dog named eli - bookshelves - an autograph by neil gaiman - a mac named selina - slippers

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:45:06 GMT

Photo meme, part II

ellie1928 said, that if I had a pet, she would have liked to see it. Well, I do not have one, but nevertheless there is a very cute dog I love and which is certainly part of the extended family. freakingmuse asked for my bookshelves and for something Neil Gaiman related (and I'm really sorry for the quality of the photos, girl - I'm not a photographer, I'm afraid). xray_beachy puzzled me with his request, so I guess my answer will not be satisfactory, but it's the best I could come up with. And finally kseniair asked for my slippers.

Eli :) I'm not joking, it's really the dog's name. Sometimes also "Mistköter" and sometimes "Mäusele", depending on her behaviour. She belongs to ♥'s parents, who went to the animal shelter thinking about getting a bigger, male dog. Well, they returned home with her and in the end she turned out even smaller than expected. But she's not tiny and not a lapdog. But so warm and cuddly, especially since she is always cold and therefore loves it to huddle under any blanket she finds.

Books, to be exact: English books, German books plus art-related books (and Sandman), comics and a mixture of Russian books, mangas, textbooks and non-fiction books.

:DDDDDDD
I think I posted a photo of this book already. I mean, what is there to say about it? Except for the fact that it was the most wonderful xray_beachy who gave it to me as a present and who also managed to get hold of Neil Gaiman when he was teaching the last Clarion Workshop (did you know that Samuel R. Delany is teaching there next year? Why, oh why, am I not a native speaker?) last year at the UCSD in San Diego and the fact that this books had a pretty crazy trip to get to me to Amsterdam, including being transporter by two great profs over the ocean and half of Europe. And if I'm not totally wrong, it almost had to make a detour over Turkey.

Well yes, I know, it's pretty pitiful to settle on one's computer as the biggest joy in one's life besides one's partner. But it's the way it is. It's my means of communication and information. It's my way to keep in touch with all the friends far away and those are meanwhile by far the greatest part of my friends. So - say hello to Selina and let's hope that she will have a long and happy life with me!

Last but not least: my slippers. The awful grey carpet is the one at work - so these are my work-slippers. The ones I have at home look almost the same, just a lot of older.

... and what about you?

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:39:34 GMT

Because I'm bored and spent far too much time debugging just to find out that it was all about forgotten quotation marks:

View Poll: stuff

(As for mine: emacs & jed in emacs mode. And I can't decide which shell to use. Meh.)

And if you feel like, you might want to tell me what programming languages you can use and with which proficiency. Or which real languages. I am curious today.

Telescopes in the Faery Land

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:44:35 GMT

Photo meme, part I

For ellie1928 who asked for some photos from my way to work and dooropener who asked for a photo from the observatory:

Two different kinds of old buildings.

The entrance of a beergarden/restaurant (there are five in the vicinity).

Timber frame buildings and an old water pump, still working.

Schlenkerla brewery.

A church and a school.

The observatory.

Parts of the exhibition: One of the original telescopes. Old astronomical clocks.

Up to the telescopes!

Western dome: the small telescopes (40cm).

Changing the domes - the most beautiful view over Bamberg. Spezialkeller, our neighbouring beergarden claims to have the best view over Bamberg. The best publicly available one. We are half a dozen meters or so higher.

Eastern dome: the big guy (60cm). Build in 1939.

Back to the Western dome.

The radio telescope in the garden.

Welcome to the fairy tale: the observatory garden.
We have great apples, cherries, both sweet and sour, quinces, plums. And whenever you come to the garden, there is a new corner to discover.

literature is ...

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:58:20 GMT

Insight of the day:

Literature, as opposed to light/pulp literature (Trivialliteratur, for the Germans), is something that happens in your head.

I will not define ‘something’, since this something is literature and there is nothing to define about it the same way there is nothing to define about the something that is love once you feel it. It is highly subjective, reader-dependent and will be a different experience for different people. And, the same way that love is something different and more than the simple falling in love, literature is more that the simple infatuation with a book, a character, a world.

squee, but not only

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 22:40:19 GMT

This was, for the greatest part, an awesome day. I was finally allowed to look into some packages I got:

Weeee ... I'm a very happy girl :D Yes, those are some awesome books. And a Star Trek DVD! And Jelly Beans! And plush sushi! Including my most favourite kind of sushi ever, ebi nigiri. Yum!
Also a present, but not included - a vacuum cleaner. Really, there are vacuum cleaners which are good presents for your partner on their 25th birthday, at least when it's a roomba.

Then I backed for the observatory yesterday evening:

Apple-maple syrup, chocolate and pear-nougat. Yum!

And I took a random photo of my teas:

Egyptian mint (black tea), rooibos blueberry yoghurt, cocoa tea "Alpen Muh" (caramel taste), winter cocoa tea (date-chili-chocolate), fruit tea citrus fruits, fruit tea grapefruit pepper, fruit tea pina colada, fruit tea bora bora, fruit tea mild black currant and fruit tea cranberry (a present from wonderful blu_vee.

By the way, if somebody feels like swapping, let me know :D I love trying out new (fruit) teas!

Then however, after my wonderful pilates course during which I found out that I will certainly have the possibility to continue, I git reminded that not all in this world is nice and peachy. Somebody has stolen things of mine from the laundry. We have this common room once can hang up stuff at for drying. I wanted to pick things I hung up on Monday and there were gaps between my clothes, which made me suspicious. Indeed: a jacket, a t-shirt, two pairs of tights and certainly something else I can't remember right now. Who needs used tights? WTF? I put up signs all around the house, that I miss stuff and that perhaps somebody could have mixed it up with theirs, so they should just give it back. But honestly? I don't believe in it. Things were missing from the middle of the lines.

Well, I'll try to ignore it and see it as a chance to buy something new. It's just - I'm not going to use the laundry again, I guess, not even in this super posh house.

book & comics goodies

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:02:14 GMT

Somebody posted excerpts from "The Sound of Her Wings", the Sandman story I was praising a few post earlier over at Scans Daily. Finally I can spread some love for it adding some of the great art to my constant rumbling! Unfortunately, one cannot leave out even a single page if the story is to keep it's full impact, but at least it's something (though missing the "idiot"-scene my icon is from :/).
There is also an excerpts from an other great Death-Story, "The Time of Your Life". I guess, ‘Absolute Death’ will be one of the things I'll be saving for.

Anyway, when re-arranging all of my books I came along some which I feel like giving away. Reasons? Either I loved them so much that I bought a better edition, e.g. one in the original language, or I'm just not interested in them anymore (that goes for the Star Trek books) or I just got the at some point when buying packages on ebay or a flea market and was never actually interested in them ...
I don't want any money for them except if you feel like paying some, that you can buy some inexpensive (Reclam or Penguin ^^") book for me, I just want them in good hands, knowing that they will not be thrown away. What I want, however, are the postage costs - preferable transferred, in the worst case as stamps.
I give no guarantees on the state of the books. Many of them were bought as "Mängelexemplare", so they have a little stamp on the side, but they all are in an OK condition. Just take a look, OK?

------------------

Books, German

John Brunner, Morgenwelt
~~Albert Camus: Ein Lesebuch mit Bildern~~ - jolly_rotten
~~Fjodor Dostojewski: Der Großinquisitor (Reclam)~~ - jolly_rotten
~~Michel Houellebecq: Elementarteilchen~~ - milulala
~~Franz Kafka: Ein Bericht für eine Akademie. Forschungen eines Hundes. (Reclam-Format)~~ - jolly_rotten
~~Michio Kaku: Im Hyperraum~~ - milulala
Ursula K. LeGuin: Hainisch, Drei Romane in einem Band
~~Michael Moorcock: Das kalte Reich~~ - xray_beachy
~~George Orwell: 1984~~ - xray_beachy

~~Früher was noch mehr Lametta (Hinterhältige Weihnachtsgeschichten von Loriot, Ingrid Noll, Freindrich Dürrenmatt, Doris Dörrie, etc.)~~ - jolly_rotten

Manga, German

Basara 1, 2
Kenshin 20, 21, 22, 23

Books, English

~~Stephen Hawking: A Brief History of Time (English!)~~
Ursula K. LeGuin: The Wind's Twelwe Quarters, Vol. 2 (second part of a short story collection, can e read fully independently)

Audiobooks, English:

~~Ray Bradbury: From Dust Returned (Cassettes, I don't have a cassette player at all ...)~~ - jolly_rotten
Lost in Space (Cassettes)

Star Trek Books, German

Original Series:
Diane Carey - Das große Raumschiffrennen
Carmin Carter - Die Kinder von Hamlin
Diane Carey - Das Schlachtschiff
Mission in Raum und Zeit (Zwei Romane in einem Band: Della van Hise - Zeit zu töten und David Dvorkin - Die Zeitfalle)
Original-Abenteuer von Raumschiff Enterprise, Sammelband III (Das Paradies-Syndrom, Der Doppelgänger, Rückkehr zum Morgen)
~~Auftrag für Raumschiff Enterprise (Drei Romane in einem Band: Sonne Cooper - Schwarzes Feuer, A.C. Crispin - Sohn der Vergangenheit, Diana Duane - Der verwundete Himmel)~~ - l3oomer
~~John Vornholt - Zuflucht~~ - l3oomer

TNG:
Peter David - Mission auf Dantae
Michael Jan Friedmann - Das verschwundene Juwel
Carmer Carter, Peter David, Michael Jan Friedman und Rober Greenberger - Planet des Untergangs

DS9:
Robert Scheckley - Das Spiel der Laertaner
K.W.Jeter - Die Station der Cardassianer

Voyager:
L.A.Graf - Der Beschützer
Greg Cox - Das Schwarze Ufer

X-Files (Akte X), German

Les Martin - Gezeichnet (Hardcover!)

------------------

Take as many books as you like, I want to get rid of all of them. Whoever comes first will be served first, as far as people from my fl come. Feel free to tell others about the books. And you can also ask for the books when you are not from Germany, we will figure a way to get the books to you and the postage costs to me somehow.
The Star Trek books are currently in Munich, therefore allow for a delay of two to three weeks till I will be able to send them to you.

P5

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:21:13 GMT

Pelevin is always so much worth reading. One might know what to expect from his books: the cynicism, the absurdity, the corruption, the lack of any sense or happy end (if there is an end at all). But still, they are mixed up in the most enjoyable cocktail of a book which is going to leave you with the feeling that somebody spat into your very soul. Not a pleasant feeling, but the hallmark of a good book. What he writes are not so much stories, as snapshots of a society, masterly packed into modern world, old Egyptian myths and stories from 1001 Nights - with comments of a Sufi, a historian, a cultural scientist, a jurist and a narcologist trying to explain the reader what the story was really about.

Some little gems from ‘P5’

... которые продают себя так дорого, что это уже почти любовь.
... who sell themselves so expensive, that it is almost love.

Значительная часть современной массовой культуры работает по схеме, которую в профессиональны кругах называют "мельниза 3": небогатые люди продают совсем бедным свои фантазии о жизни богатых и сказочно богатых.
A considerable part of modern mass culture follows a scheme which, in professional circles, is known as "mill 3": not too wealthy people sell their fantasies about the life of the rich and the phenomenally reach to the poor.

From: Виктор Пелевин - П5 (Victor Pelevin - P5), translations by me

This is also the book which has one of the ugliest covers ever:

Indeed, this is real gold glitter. And the backside is even uglier. I was glad nobody was sitting next to me on the train, because otherwise I would have constantly felt the urge to explain that this was the books of one of the best (and very extravagant) Russian writers who felt like making his book look like it does, making the cover part of the book (it's his own design idea, at least as far as the editorial states).
I love it how his books have layers and layers of meaning, both intended and specific to the single reader. And how he is never taking the reader serious and forcing him to be part of the book, something, admittedly, every author does, but most seem unaware of it, while Pelevin makes you a very conscious co-player in a game you can only guess the rules of - because even knowing what to expect every book of his still has the unexpected just two pages from you.

(Also, those ‘Silent Empire’ books by Steven Harper I recommended? They are available as ebooks over at the Book View Cafe now. Which is good, since they are out of print and I'm not giving the ones I have away, it was hard enough to get hold of some copies in the first place.)

up and down

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:25:58 GMT

I just read up on Babylon 5 - some infos I've forgotten, some summaries of episodes I half remembered. This was such a great series. And such a sad one. I don't know, I feel like crying right now. I wish we could break out of the old cycles.

Fink (and therefore a linux)-message:

Existing entries with these names or numbers will be overwritten or
otherwise affected by this. On the other hand, some Fink packages will
not work unless these entries are in the NetInfo database. You can make
adjustments to the files /sw/etc/passwd-fink and
/sw/etc/group-fink now (from another window), then say yes here. Or
you can say no here and add the users and groups manually (e.g. on your
central NetInfo server). If you don't know what all of this is about,
just say yes.
Do you want to continue? [Y/n]

Isn't it cool that they take care of us clueless people? I find such messages incredibly amusing!

Our subtenant in Munich will move out soon. Well, that was clear that it was to come, his income as a now full-time engineer is too high to stick to a flat-share, even in Munich with its prices. But meh, I don't want to take care of that stuff. I'm tired and annoyed.

But I've had three really productive days (Sunday, yesterday, today). Including a tutorial which was supposed to be next week, but was held today - only that we found out yesterday around noon that we had to hold it. Ooops. But it was fun. Also, most of the website-y stuff is finished. And I took most of the photos for the meme, they only need to be resized and slightly edited before posting.

And tomorrow I'll finally send out the three packaged that are sitting on my shelf for weeks now.

I made my first home-made coleslaw today, which I will eat it tomorrow. Over the weekend I had plov and some mashed aubergine salad. All wonderful comfort food.

I miss ♥. And I hate even the thought of how much money the train company earns on the hours I lose using this crappy BA-M connection. Yes, it's still a roller coaster with my moods. Meh. Though not as bad as before. Really. But it's still small things which tip me out of balance. Too small things.

I can't look at this screen anymore ...

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 15:30:33 GMT

Given that today is Sunday and I've been to the observatory yesterday and am here right now, I was going to write a rambling post about what working in science really means and how I get upset about people working normal jobs complaining that life in science is so easy and that we travel so much and don't have fixed working hours and don't have to work shifts or do physical work and forget about the fact that work is never over here. You go home and you continue working. And than the latest PhD comic has once again, beaten me on it and summed it all up perfectly:

This is so me. And it is so much fun, no matter how much I complain sometimes!

blog and feed recommendations

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:13:04 GMT

I managed most of the things planned to the last week and actually had a pretty free weekend. So yay for me? Well, I still feel like I'm behind on everything: work, letters, things promised ... And at the same time all I want is to procrastinate more and either read some more ‘Superman & Batman’ comics or to buy the first season of ‘Lois & Clark’ (*coughs*). And that while I don't even like watching TV.

Anyway, as some better and perhaps more productive way of procrastination, I thought that I might write something about some awesome blogs, communities and feeds I have on my reading list:

Astronomy and Science

invaderxan
is a fellow astronomer who writes a wonderful blog about all the things fascinating in astronomy and whom I honestly admire for his ability to explain even the most complicated scientific issues in an easy understandable, but yet never over-simplifying way.

arxivblog
Daily highlights from the arXiv's physics-section. arXiv.org is the biggest pre-print server in astronomy, by the way, and is also widely used in most other parts of physics. Sometimes they pick the coolest things ever and always something worth reading a few paragraphs about.

apod3
Full picture feed of the ‘Astronomy Picture of the Day‘. The html of the texts seem to still be broken, but well - the pictures are what matter and if one is really interested it's always worth visiting the original website anyway.

Literature and Writing
and politics, since the writers I like are often political

officialgaiman
The feed for Neil Gaiman's official blog. Do I need to say more? Just great. Even if you happen not to like his work (though I really can't imagine that - not thinking all to be perfect, yes, but not liking anything does not work for me ...).

charlies_diary
The feed of Charles Stross' blog. I'm not such a big fan of his books, though they are decent. But I'm a huge fan of his blog. He has wonderful entries on more than just writing, including this one, False Positives and the Database State, explaining why everybody, even the so-called innocent, need data privacy protection or this one, How habitable is the Earth?, which is about - well, how habitable (or not) our Earth is.

scalzifeed
The blog the book to which won the last Hugo as the Best Related book. Great read. And very, very clever. Including an entry I cannot stop linking to - Being Poor.

365_tomorrows
A little science fiction snippet every day. Sometimes great, sometime meh, but usually at least amusing. And I wish my English was well enough for taking part. I like the project.

52buecher
52 books in 52 weeks. I like it.

schreiben
mohya's and my baby: diluted NaNo or weekly motivation for writing. I think it works and I think it helps.

Comics

xkcd_rss
A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language. And one of the most funny things on the Internet. Sometimes you need to know some basic thing computer-y to understand them, but usually they will be funny (and mostly also oh too true!). And whatever happens to you on the Internet, xkcd most likely already had a comic on it:

phdcomic
The ultimate comic for anyone who ever tried to write a PhD or a masters (or a bachelors, or a diploma, etc.) thesis:

daily_nemi
Just and simply very true:

noscans_daily
Comic discussions. Sometimes annoying, sometimes awesome. I tend to skip the annoying.

scans_daily
Comic discussions. With pictures. The most awesome place if you want to find out what happens in the (American mainstream) comic world right now. Or if you want some ideas on which old(er) comic to buy next.

Others

jillicons
My favourite icon maker.

wunschlisten
An awesome community for making surprising gifts to people.

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:44:52 GMT

Didn't I say that? It's Monday and things are a lot of better. Well, no, they are good.

A misunderstanding is cleared, a sorry said and therefore one major disaster is cleared from our memory. I did not get the friend back, she is still missing on my list. But we have to let go, don't we? And I feel pretty mellow. And far too full - yummy home-made pesto with spelt pasta. I'm usually not a fan of pasta, but spelt pasta is great, so sweet and somehow with more structure to it than the usual one.

Anyway, if there ever was a sign that I'm at the right place, than it's that Mondays actually make me feel better, not worse. In spite of my usual problems to get out of the bed in the morning. But I'm feeling a lot of more useful and my inferiority complex is under control for a while. At least I do something instead of moping.

Wanna know what my schedule for this week looks like?

Monday aka today: Erlangen (lecture), Observatory, grocery shopping (which is a bigger thing, since I don't have a supermarket next to where I live)

Tuesday: Erlangen (lecture + work), mensa with friends, a Greek place with a friend

Wednesday: work, taccos all ‘you can eat’ with the observatory-guys (no pilates this week due to school holidays)

Thursday: waiting (I hope very much that he will come) for the phone company guy to install my Internet and telephone, work, Sherlock-Holmes-Seminar, packing

Friday: work, train to Munich.

And in between I need to get to the post office for some packages, bring two pair of shoes to a shoemaker, cook, manage a website, continue writing a paper, finish plots, read, phone some friends, phone my parents, read like 5 papers, extract a lot of lightcurves, start organizing a proper coffee machine for the observatory, write a few work-related e-mails and perhaps a letter and do some sports since I don't have my pilates course this week. And perhaps do some photos ;) Sleep? Who needs sleep?

But I'm going to bed now nevertheless. Had hardly 4 hours of sleep this night and my coffeine rush is wearing out.

What are you doing? - Feeding the pigeons.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:48:24 GMT

It is time again - a meme!

1.Comment to this entry saying 'ICONS!' and I will pick 6 of your icons.

2.Make an entry in your own journal and talk about the icons I picked!

From chija:

I think this one was made by hoelder1in and I stole it. It's an artist's depiction of a black hole binary - and since I'm working on Cygnus X-1 I decided it to be Cyg X-1. There is an official APOD artist's impression which is a bit of better in the sense that the companion, HDE 226868, is a blue giant. But on the other hand the APOD image is lacking jets and we know that Cyg X-1 has jets (hence microquasar), so I like this picture pretty much.

I love xkcd. Alone the fact that it states to be ‘a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language’ should be enough to realize that it is great. This is the improved version of one of the first comics, one you can now get as a t-shirt. And I just love the fact that most people go WTF? when they see it. Actually it's something incredibly sweet and incredibly simple (that again, that comes from a person who think maths to be incredibly beautiful, inspite of hating so many of her own maths lectures ...).

This is from page 11 of the issue 12 of the recent DC Trinity series - and the page that made me madly fall in love with the series. You have to see the whole context to really find it funny. Still, the icon fits just so many situations - because you know, even if you are Batman, exterior view helps a lot sometimes.

This is one of the icons which do not have an other meaning but the mood they convey. This one means melancholy for me. Sweet, summery melancholy. The shadows, the dress (I would wear such one), the bracelets (I love bracelets) - it has something. It's quiet. She would not move her arm, it's so heavy. Perhaps she's waiting for something. And there is this feeling: melancholy.

Michael Moorcock's books are cheesy, I'm the first to admit it. But it does not change my love for them, not even a little bit. I fell in love with the Elric stories as a child, I think Elric is the character with the most influence on my of the (male) main characters I have ever written and will write. And Tanelorn - Tanelorn is peace. Tanelorn is the perfect place without being perfect. One that has just enough imperfection to make it worth living there and not only dreaming of it. An allegory for what we are searching in life? I think so.

Miss Parker from Pretender. I loved the series. I still wear a ring on my left index finger that was inspired by Parker. When I cut my hair with 14 or 15 or so she was part of the inspiration. She was a great character: A cold hunter and yet the hunted one. Beautiful, dangerous. And somebody who went with me through some bad times. Sad that they never had the chance to properly finish the series. I would have loved to find out more things about her. Her first name, for example.

From dooropener:

My quiet reading icon. To be honest I'm somehow disliking it right now. Too much pink? I'm not sure :( But I did not find one I would prefer over it yet. And perhaps it's just a phase: like with clothes, sometimes I will let a shirt lie in my closet for years and then suddenly fall again in love with it. And icons are something like clothes we wear here at LJ, aren't they?

Ah, this is from Sandman. The first issue in which Death appears, ‘The Sound of Her Wings’. Such a wonderful story! I love Sandman and this scene between Death and Dream, big sister and little brother, sums up their whole relationship, he has really seen it coming being the the gloomy anthropomorphism he decided to be this very day - and that he, who has so much less reason to be gloomy that she does. Once again you have to read the comic to fully appreciate the strength of the scene. It is a sad, beautiful story ... It always makes me cry. And you know, I tend to think that things which make me cry are good (and this one is indeed). I hope they'll post an excerpts on scans_daily (whereever this might again be) at some point, so I can link you to it. And meanwhile I'll be glad to let you read the story in my Absolute Sandman volume ...

Once again an icon by jillicons. I like the icons she makes, I can nothing for it. I have about twohundred more saved on my computer and can never decide which one to actually upload. This one ... It's just sad. And it's such a powerful picture. Doesn't it speak for itself? And it convey this mood I often have: Sometimes there just are limits. Sometimes things don't get better.

And again just a mood. A dreamy, nightly one. A little bit naive. Hopeful. Free of fear. Open to the future. Don't you feel this way when looking at this picture? I do.

Masks - we all have a repertoire on masks we wear: at work, with our families, with friends ... Is there something real behind them at all? Does it matter? Sometimes we force a mask onto ourself and than it becomes out face. There is Marcel Marceau's ‘Mask Maker’:

I've seen it live, once, or have at least been told that this was the original. It is one of the things which left a deep impression. (And I'm sorry that I could not find a better video. Even this old one, with it's bad quality is worth the time spent on it).

Mathilda from ‘Leon - The Professional’. I don't like many movies. This one I do, even though for a very, very long time I could not watch it for a second time. It was just too sad, I started crying already at the beginning, thinking about how Mathilda plants Leon's plant in the park at the end of the movie. But in general: Mathilda is great. I love her. Strong, real, believable girl - the story might be crazy, but for that she is very much real. I wish there would be more heroines like her.

(Hmmm... dooropener? I'm sorry that your part of the meme turned so melancholic, but somehow you managed to pick out those icon which I associate with something sad.)

And for those of you who made it through the text this far or just skipped it - sometimes I feel this urge to do things with my hands. And even if it's just threading some beads, it's nice to see a quick result:

I seem to lost the old ones I had - one of wooden beads A.'s (the Berlin-A.'s) father gave to us when we were 15 or 16 and the red coral one I bought together with my mum - or at least I've put them down somewhere at my parents or ♥'s place and can't find them any more. But I had this owl pearl I bough in the USA, to be exact in San Diego's Balboa Park. So now I had to combine it with some wooden pearls.
Forgot to put on my usual ring on the right thumb for the photo. But oh well ... The goodies in the background are Selina, of course, and the newest Batman collection by Neil Gaiman - just because it was the nearest fully black book to grab, I did not think that one would see the bat-sign. Have to write a review on this one.

And yes, my camera is terrible. And it gets worse the older it gets. Nevertheless, I think I want to strain it even more, so one more meme:

Photo Meme

Ask me to take a picture of any aspect of my life that you're interested in - it can be anything from the house I live in to my favourite shoes. Leave your choice here as a comment, and I will reciprocate by taking the pictures and posting them as an LJ entry. Ask as for as many as you want. That way you get to know a little bit about my life, if you're remotely interested in it.

(Usual reasonable limits apply - but everyone can play :D ).

P.S. Jup, again a citation as the entry-title. And it should be pretty obvious from where.

ranty entry is ranty

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 12:23:55 GMT

I. I usually love my wholefood products. But advertising organic flour by stating that you use homoeopathic manuring with admittedly natural fertilizers? Nothing against cow manure, it works. But something against ‘homoeopathic’ ... Why, oh why, can't we just stick to organic farming without the esoteric aftertaste? I will gladly pay double or triple price for my tomatoes if they look like this:

-- but I will not if they are advertised as being harvested on the day indicated by the moon calender. This is not what I spend my money for. Not that this happened with the tomatoes. But I wanted to show you the pretties ;)

II. Health insurance reform? They call it fair? WTF? There is a very fitting word describing what is happening: "Entsolidarisierung". The weak ones are left behind and we close our eyes, we just forget that tomorrow it can be us who are the weak.

III. Open Day was amazing. There were at least 500 visitors if not more. Some were so nice, telling us how much they liked it and how interesting it was even though it was too cloudy to actually use the telescope. It was also amazing how many of them read the posters and asked questions regarding them. I usually feel like the only one who read (almost) everything written when in a museum or an exhibition.
Others ... Every time the topic of asteroids hitting the Earth comes up. Come on, guys - you read something about it in the teletext? And you believe it?
And what is it that people will not believe you or think that you are competent when you are female? Happened to a friend of mine - on of the guys just turned away from her and told the male colleague that he did not believe that ‘the cute lady’ there knew what she was talking about. And that given that she is a lot of a better physicist (and better in explaining) than he is. And people who are always going to ask the guys when they have a question, sometimes waiting to place their question till he finished explaining something to others and absolutely ignoring the woman standing next to him who has the very same kind of a name-tag. And of course we had some of the obligatory ‘Isn't physics terribly hard for a woman?’ Well, not harder or easier than for a man! Grrrr!

this is also part of it - the nice and the ugly

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:33:30 GMT

So, a group failed the lab. We did not fail them, they failed. It's a strange feeling from the other side. Not a nice one. We talked a lot yesterday, partly because we had a small party going on anyway, partly because it was a bit of a self-therapy - and it continued today, I needed to talk about this to someone with a lot of more teaching experience. We did not fail them, we extended the deadline again and again and they failed. Others did not. Still, I would have preferred them to work a bit (or a lot) harder, a bit better and to pass.

Anyway, there is a paper to work on, a lecture tutorial - including an actual peer review panel! - to prepare for and plots to make. So no time for worries over people who are not worth it.

Oh, and continued with the party topic [what a wonderful transition from one topic to the other, isn't it?] - did I mention that while being in Amsterdam I made a little detour to LaRochelle, courtesy of the famous API whiskey break?

And I got a box of chocolate with a thank you note from a guy who did a two-week-intership here and was my office mate for that time. Sooo sweet! Not that I expected or earned it. But it was such a nice gesture. Something to make my day :) Now I guess I have to go out and do something nice myself, to make someone else happy, too.

Moods; [German:] Abschied - Paradies - Schlaflos

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 21:03:13 GMT

This was not my day. Had a nightmare, because I have this one group in the lab which is really bad - spend half the night hunting for them through the observatory trying to make them listen and understand; their lab report was the worst one you could ever imagine. Than my newspaper did not arrive or got stolen. And ♥ left for his parents to help his father finish the barn they started renovating. Did not get any proper work done. Stayed at home instead of going out with friends due to migraine, bad mood and tummy ache. You see - this was so not my day :(

And I lost my language. The writing one. Not the voice, the language. Hard to explain - the voice is still there, I know the rhythm, I'm just lacking the words. No coffee this time. And I have slept enough. Strange state right now. Will become better, just now today.

To spare you the whining, some of the scenes I have written for the prompts I asked for a while ago during the last two month. I have more, from a different world, written. But those will be posted at a different time. So far these three [only in German, sry]:

Wie immer - es sind Szenen, Gedankeneindrücke. Nichts abgeschlossenes. Ich bin mir zu 80% sicher, dass es im "Paradies" um Ian geht. Aber es könnte auch Mark sein. Sie sind sich da ähnlich, in ihren wilden Zeiten, Vater und Sohn - und auch darin, dass sie sonst sehr ernsthafte, verantwortungsvolle Menschen sind. Jeder auf seine Art.

Die Texte sind diesmal nicht betagelesen, ich stelle sie aus einer Laune online, ich wollte eigentlich warten, bis ich mindestens einen mehr aus dieser Welt in einem halbwegs präsentablen Zustand habe. Nun ja, den eigenen Launen sollte man folgen, zumindest solange sie anderen nicht schaden. Kritik und Fehlerhinweise (ja, auch Tippfehler) werden wie immer dankbar angenommen.

Dieser Werk oder Inhalt ist unter einer Creative Commons-Lizenz lizenziert.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Abschied

Es ist Melissas Strand. Nicht nur, weil er ihr gehört. (Es ist Alinas Verrücktheit: die Häuser gehen an die Kinder sobald sie volljährig sind ... Und was wird jetzt aus Seths Haus auf Suori? Was ...) Es ist Melissas Strand, weil jedes mal, wenn sie von daheim träumt, sie von diesem Sand träumt, von dem Haus, von den Eukalyptusbäumen, von den Muscheln – der Währung ihrer Kindheit, vom dem gleichgültigen Schlagen der Wellen, das es lange vor ihr gab und lange nach ihr geben wird, auch wenn ihnen keiner mehr zuhört.
Wenn Melissa träumt, ist sie nie alleine. Auch wenn manche ihrer Traumbegleiter niemals hier waren oder nie wieder hier werden sein können.
Melissa ist hier, weil sie Angst hat, vom Strand zu träumen. Wenn sie sich dann mit Seth kabbelt und sein Lachen hört und daran erinnert wird, dass ihr kleiner Bruder ein erwachsener Mann ist, wird sie weinend aufwachen. Sie will aber nicht nicht weinen, sie will Rache. Sie ist Syndikatsbaronin. Ihr Bruder war ein Engel.
Und dann setzt sich Melissa ans Wasser und weint. Und das Meer spült eine Muschel vor ihre Füße.

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Paradies

Das Paradies um Mitternacht: Kellner mit kokainweißen Umschlagmanschetten. Regenbogencocktails. Fesseln, gewebt aus Haaren und nackter Haut. Der süßlich-raue Geschmack des Rauchs.
Das Paradies um vier Uhr morgens: Eine Parkbank, noch nass vom Regen. Gewitteraroma. Zerlaufenes Make-up, geschmacklos, wenn du dir die Lippen ableckst. Bleischwere Glieder.
Das Paradies am morgen: Abwarten, loslassen. Noch ist es nicht soweit.

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Schlaflos

Es ist vier Uhr morgens, nach der Zeit von Yss. Sechs nach ihrer inneren Uhr und sie hat seit der Ankunft hier noch keine Minute geschlafen. Aber diese halbe Stunde – sie wird sie sich nicht von der Müdigkeit nehmen lassen. Wegen dieser halben Stunde ist sie hier, hat sich von der Brücke in Einzelatome zerlegen und wieder zusammensetzen lassen.
Er wartet schon auf sie. Sie setzt sich neben ihn, die Hand in der seinen, den Kopf auf seine Schulter gelehnt.
„Also haben wir auch mal eine geheime Verabredung im dunklen Park?“
„Hm.“
Wenn man jemanden lange genug kennt – und sie kennen sich lange, haben unzählige Tage und noch mehr Nächte miteinander verbracht, wach und schlafend, über Gesetzestexten und Redensentwürfen gebeugt oder keuchend, lachend ineinander verwoben –, kann man aus einem „hm“ viel heraushören. Und sie hört Sehnsucht und leichtes Amusement, als er sich an die vielen anderen geheimen Verabredungen der Anfangszeit erinnert, heraus. Aber auch ein „hm, wenn du noch scherzen kannst, dann ist ja alles OK“ und ein „hm, egal was du sagst, es ist toll, deine Stimme zu hören, nicht eine tote Aufnahme von ihr“. Dinge, die sie nicht mehr in Worte fassen müssen.
Sie haben so viele andere Dinge zu bereden – aber wie kann man ein Jahr in eine halbe Stunde packen? Sie könnten sich auf ein paar Themen einigen. Auf Ed - wie geht es ihr? Hast du schon ihre Flügel gesehen? Kennt sie das Wort „Mutter“ überhaupt? Auf die Flotte – gibt es tatsächlich eine Chance, die Menschen gegen die Ha-an dauerhaft zu einigen? Oder ist es bloß ein kurzes Bündnis, der nicht einmal eine Dekade hält? Wir würdest du ..? Stattdessen zählt sie mit dem Daumen seine Fingerknöchel ab – eins, zwei, drei, vier, eins, zwei, drei, vier, eins ... Sein Atem kitzelt ihre Stirn. Sein Bein schmiegt sich warm an den ihren.
„Lina?“
Für einen Augenblick glaubt sie sich in ihrem Haus, in dem ersten, auf den Inseln Noasras. Einem Haus, das nicht mehr existiert, auf einer Welt, die es so nicht mehr gibt. Dann akzeptiert sie gehorsam die Wirklichkeit. Was sonst soll sie machen?
Sie würde gerne fragen, wie lange sie noch haben, aber sein Schulterzucken ist bereits eine Antwort: Was kann man tun, die Welt ist nun mal so.
Aline zögert kurz, steht dann auf. Und plötzlich sind seine Hände auf ihren Schultern, viel härter, als man diesen schmalen Fingern zutrauen würde. Sie küsst zurück. Der Gedanke, das alles hinzuschmeißen; sich, ihm die Kleider vom Leibe zu reißen; hier, jetzt nicht in zehn Jahren – wie soll sie sie jemals überstehen? – für sich zu leben, dieser Gedanke ist greifbar nahe, aber sie lässt ihn nicht zu.
„Wir schaffen das“, flüstert er in ihr Ohr.
„Wir schaffen das“, sagt sie. Es gibt kein ich und kein du. Nur ein wir.
Dann geht sie, ohne sich umzudrehen. Der Kommandeurin der vereinigten Flotte stehen zwölf weitere Stunden ohne Schlaf bevor.
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Alle bisherigen Texte in der richtigen zeitlichen Reihenfolge:

Paradies - Erste Begegnug - Zu dritt - Wie ein Schmetterlingsleben - Wenn ich du wäre - Schlaflos - Kommandeurin - Unter den Wolken - Geschwisterliebe - Familienjuwelen - Abschied

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Ich weiß, dass Seth sterben wird. Ich weiß wann und wie und warum und welche Auswirkungen es haben wird. Und es ist ein Grund, warum aus den Shad-Geschichten niemals ein Roman wird. Weil ich es nicht übers Herz bringe, ihn tatsächlich umzubringen. Seth ist nicht unschuldig. Seth ist kein netter Junge. Aber ich mag ihn. Ich vermute, dass auch ein (rein theoretischer) Leser ihn mögen könnte - Seth ist darauf ausgelegt, gemocht zu werden, mit all seinen Fehler (im Gegenteil zu J. und Alina, man muss sie lieben oder hassen). Er ist mir zu sehr ans Herz gewachsen. Das sollte einem eigentlich nicht passieren.

Das Urbild hinter dem Alina & Justin Text war eine Zeile von Christa Wolf. Ein Orpheus und Eurydike Satz, ein Nichtumdrehen. Ich weiß nicht, wie sich das verwandelt hat. Es passiert einfach. Und dann passte das Bild der Parkbank irgendwie dazu, diese Szene - zwei Varianten davon - gab es in meinem Kopf schon länger.
Ich weiß, dass ich darin zu viele alte Motive wiederhole. Immer zu meinen alten Bildern zurückkehre. Aber dafür sind diese Geschichten, mein Seelenbalsam, da. Ansprüche kann ich irgendwo anders stellen - auch wenn es hier auch nicht ohne geht, aber ich lasse mehr los. Es ist ja nur Spaß. Und schlimmstenfalls erkläre ich alles zu unwahr und ungeschehen. Ist ja meine Welt, meine Phantasie.

Und ich brauche einen neuen Planetennamen. Yss klingt mehr nach einer Drachenburg als nach einer der berühmtesten Universitäten ...

we are all stardust

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:46:07 GMT

I will post something that makes more sense, promised. Just not now.

We have this open day on 24th October - and guess who volunteered to do the talk on stars? - Exactly, the same person who drank her last coffee at 9 p.m. today to finish some work in the evening and, before that, spent hours walking through the rain in search of a suit outlet store for her ♥. But the talk - or rather the talks, since it will be given three times - will be fun. And if I'm lucky I'll write it on my new Mac. Btw., you are of course cordially invited to drop by :) More information to come.

Yes, I'm pushing my boundaries right now - in many different regards. It's fun, though still scary like nothing else. You should do it more often, too :)

[Coffee, by the way, is most wonderful for my concentration when it comes to work - but it seems to numb my language. But perhaps it's not an effect of the coffee, but of the overfatigue that makes me drink too much of it.]

Oh, and we indeed are stardust.