pax_athena

I hate ticks. But at least one of them seems to have liked me. Well, this one will pass, too. But at the moment I'm opening a second pack of antibiotics and am annoyed at the world, so I'll offer you some insights into things which show the judgemental, annoying part of my character (open on your own risk):

( a list of certain pet peeves )

Erm ... Sorry about that. This does not happen often, but sometimes it helps just to get that feeling out. Screaming against the sky helps to deal with things (as we always have) without feeling that overwhelming anger.

I'm many things. I'm many people and many roles and perhaps even more contradictions. And whenever I decide or am forced to be only one thing for a given moment, it's OK. When people don't see the complexity behind it: it's OK. It does not make all the other parts of me non-existent. It does not make me less. It makes me more. It does make me able to do more. One thought.

Role sovereignty (Rollensouveränität). Another one.

I role the ideas around in my mouth, tasting them. I'll have to change them to fit me, but I like them. They taste like something that suits me.

(It also tastes like something that has been there for a while now. Worn and tried out and deemed to be good by the angels of my stories. Yet not conscious to me as a part of myself.)

Jet lag isn't nice, folks. And while Lufthansa seats are worse for my sleeping habits (I prefer to rest my hands on the foldable table and my head atop of them, which worked nice on Delta flights, but there isn't wasn't enough space for that on the Lufthansa one) they get point for edible rice, good tea (with fresh lemon!) and free Baileys.

Anyway, NYC. While the skyline is impressive, it's also kind of boring, so I tried not to go for the skyline photos here.

Did I like it there? Well, I had a story in my head, with two main and a few minor characters. Politics, love, power, prophecies and whatever else I usually throw into the mix. The story gained a third major player: a city. Also: I never thought a city could feel alive and wounded. New York did.



World Trade Center 1. Which you can see from pretty much any point in the city.


( 21 more )

P.S. Also - there are 6 postcards left from the last post. Anybody else who wants one?

The Met! The Metropolitan Museum of Art, people! I'm in love with this museum. I could honestly spend a week there and not be bored. And those Vermeer paintings - I did the director's audioguide tour and had to sit down for a bit and process things after I spent time in front of the five Vermeers they have there before I could go on with ancient Near Eastern art. It's just: wow! My favourite of Vermeer is still The Little Street (Het Straatje) in the Rijksmuseum, but nevertheless: wow!

And (somehow) I acquired a postcardbook with 30 Mucha-postcards. Which I need to send out once I'm back home. And not to send them empty, I'll add a personalized book recommendation to every one of them - not only something *I* like, but something I think you might like. No guarantees from my side and no obligations for you, of course. So: if you want a postcard comment here and send me a PM with an address I should send it to :)

[edit:] 22 24 out of 30 postcards gone, 8 6 more left :)

Well, duh, I guess they killed my future. Understandably I cannot get rid of that clump somewhere in my throat. I don't think there is really hope (was there ever?) :( That makes a lot of other things look rather bleak right now. A telescope called Athena, in an owl configuration, would have been just too nice, right? So it goes. (Yes, Vonnegut might not be the best author to read right now; but I had to buy it, given how the foreword to God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian is written by Neil Gaiman.)

Anyway, I'm sitting in the train to New York right now and really, really should be looking forward to it. I am, a bit. But mainly I'm scared of how my poor roommate there will be able to stand me in my current black mood, which makes me want to gnarl at people, then curl together and read shallow books with happy endings. Or do some calming cross-stitching.

And once I'm home, I'll need to start collecting the shards and see what I can still build out of them. Let's hope that NYC will give me the energy I need for it, not drain it further.

Sorry for the slow commenting - I have a nasty cold, which renders any attempt to properly think futile. But I need to show you this, because it's the last one we'll ever see (and the first I've seen):



( three more times Discovery )

The whole discovery fly-by was rather an event, as you might imagine. And they did give a nice show, with it circling over DC and flying right over NASA GSFC. A lot of people and a lot more kids than expected were watching it here. And one very little very blond girl had a very cool toy:



I've not looked at her for the minute that was the flyby, but afterwards she stood there with wide open eyes, cuddling her plush shuttle ...

Sometimes the realization that there are tons and tons of interesting things out there I don't know about even a little bit hits me like a brick. Sometimes it depresses me: so many interesting facts, concepts and ideas; so many things to understand and learn and not enough time. Other times it makes me want to get myself together and start finding out about all these things. And then I remember how as a child I would enjoy browsing through schoolbooks on biology or through (children's) encyclopaedia to find out what all the different, beautiful stones were made of (yay mineralogy!) and how much fun taking lectures in psychology and in language and literature studies was. No, I really don't have the time, but I should do it again.

So: wanna recommend me something from your field?

No matter what your field is. What I do however ask for is for it to be academically well founded and more an academic (text)book than a simple non-fiction book. I can make my way through pretty much anything you would dare an undergrad to do. I would even say that I would manage my way through most books aimed at rather graduate students, if well-written: the language & literature seminars happened to be all above-the-bachelor-level, so I have a bit of experience with working on a higher level in a field which is not mine, and I can understand most of the Nature/Science papers even when they are not about astrophysics, but, say, biology or environmental sciences, even if with looking up things sometimes. I also expect this kind of reading to be work. Rewarding work, though. I will not promise to read the book you recommend, but I want to have a pool to get things from the next time the urge to emerge myself in something different is there. So the possibility is high that I will. (And everything is welcome: nature sciences - including physics! -, social sciences, language, law, art, medicine, nursing ...)

And if you want a few recommendations from me:

( Physics -- Astrophysics -- Black Holes )

It started with the Barnes & Noble in Baltimore:

( books )
-- I mean, who could pass by such nice collections of Poe's and Lovecraft's work? I still think that perhaps I should have bought more books from this edition. They also had Asimov's Foundation trilogy (which Hoelder1in [hoelder1in.org] recommended to me) and a few other things. But I had the feeling that this would not be the last bookshop on the way.

Pandemonium in Cambridge was the next one:

( more books )
I could stop myself from buying the new ones, but there is nothing that can stop me from buying old Zelazny novels. Especially not if they cost 3.95 and if by buying I support an independent book store.

Again in Cambridge, close to Harvard yard, we passed a bookselling table. Just a table with a lot of used books and a metal box for money, where I grabbed this beauty (paying the 5$, of course!):

( and one more book )
I own far more by Chabon than I have read, but his Gentlemen of the Road as well as a few articles I read by him made me believe that I'll love his work.

And finally, there was the Hardvard Coop. Oh. OH. OH. I hardly ever like books which are on display in bookshops. Actually, I hardly ever know (nor want to know!) books which are usually on display in bookshops. Here however, every case consisted of "read and loved" and "want to read" and "heard of the author, want to read something by him" and the rare cases of unknown books and authors quickly turned into "oh, one more book on my wishlist!". It's kind of sad to see that big sellers like Barnes & Noble (who manage the Coop bookstore) can do this kind of shops. But usually don't. But then again, it's all about what people want, right?

( and even more books! )
Cloud Atlas was a rec by sovieldazu. And After the Apocalypse is one of the best short story collections I read in years (and the cover is not broken! it's made look old and worn - I was wondering all the time about it ...). One author, so many believable, different voices. Moorcock is always fun (though I'm still amazed by the lack of his novels on the bookshelves here; I didn't find any in any of the shops!). Marge Piercy is love. Andre Norton a childhood memory. Shalom Aleichem does not exist in a good translation in German, which makes me terribly sad.

I could have bought far more at the Coop. I could have spend hours wandering between the bookshelves. I had so many wonderful books in my hands ... The next time I'll be at MIT I'll come with an empty suitcase and wear the same clothes every day, washing them in the evening in my hotel room, just to have more suitcase space for books, I promise ;)

So I spend Good Friday (which is a federal public holiday in Germany) working. As in: just a normal working day, nothing special. Actually, even a rather full one. On the other hand I spent Good Friday working at MIT. This makes it worth it. This and the fact that I'm making progress. And all the teasing, fun conversations I had today, which also majorly brought my paper forward.

On campus, I fell in love with the Stata center:


I'm also a bit proud, especially given the fact that I don't know (yet) much about architecture, at least the modern one. Because the moment I saw it, I though of the Dancing House in Prague (my pic from the Prague trip / wikipedia). Then I googled it and - lo and behold! - it's the same architect. Unfortunately, I did not take pictures on my first mini campus tour, when I actually was inside the building. But I walked past the building again today:

( more Gehry + additional modern art & pixel/post-it art )

I seem to have found a word which does not have a proper translation into English. Nor has it been absorbed into English language, which is strange given how there is zeitgeist and weltschmerz in English:

Zukunftsangst.

‘Fear of the future’ or ‘anxiety of the future’ both sound too constructed and do not have that gut deep impact of a single word. They don't cover all the meanings (the fear of the future or to fear for the future?) and nuances of the German term.

And because I know and <3 you guys: don't worry. Nothing (special) happened. Just a general feeling.

I'm not yet done reading Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine, but already I know that this will be one of the books I'll keep returning to. I could have underlined whole chapters, especially the one of old Mrs Bentley, my favourite: melancholic and bitter sweet in the end. Desperate, sad and yet: this is how things are and one can leave with them, so the story is somehow also comforting.

The first three citations are from the introduction. The second from the first chapter introducing the Lonely One. The last is a paragraph - the best I could choose, but still not the one capturing the whole story, for that one would need the whole story - from Mrs Bentley's chapter:



I honestly tried to comment on the citation. But I can't. The book is pure magic: childhood magic and images in your head magic and little insights magic and the right words magic. And a heap of other kinds of magic I forgot to mention. Out of context, some lines might appear cheesy, but within the context of the stories, on the waves which carry the reader from one memory of that remarkable half-real summer to the other, they are perfect.

... on the other side of the pond.
Also guess who had to go to work at half past midnight because she forgot to print stuff? And found other people there? diello was right; my life is a PhD comic of its own.

Since there is nothing interesting to tell about my life, I'll point you towards a few things I found interesting to read:

Stephen Wolfram, the guy behind Matematica (you only need to know what it is if you are a mathematician or a nature scientist or an engineer, but then oh, you do), has a very interesting post about data mining on the example of the e-mails and phonecalls he himself has made over the years. Or also: what kind of things one can find out about you from the timestamps of your e-mails. Not even looking into their contents. There is more to the post - just go and take a look.

When people star complaining how investing into basic science is wasted money (and oh, how often they do it!), I usually tell the story about GPS which could not work without Einstein's theory of relativity, which had no real application for years and years and is very much basic science. Here is one more very actual example for why we invest in science.

BookShelfPorn. Really, just this. Porn for people who love books. I'm afraid I tried to explain it to a colleague who is not as much into books and failed. I have FEELINGS about this.

If the world were a village of 100 people ... I'm not sure how well researched every one of the images is, but the visualisation is quite impressive. And a village of 100 people is just such a powerful image. When it's 100 people, you'll know everyone by name and will not be able to just forget someone.

Two short but fascinating articles from SciAm: Clicking Sounds in the English Language - yes, there are some, just not where they are expected and it gives me all kind of ideas for SF stories. And The Impracticality of a Cheeseburger - they are indeed not only unhealthy but also very much a sign of our modern food industry, since it's almost impossible to make one from scratch. And apparently someone tried! (Still, I'm very much looking forwards the ones from Five Guys.)

And last but not least the song which gave this post it's title (with many thanks to A., who is most likely not reading this):

( The Arrogant Worms: History is Made by Stupid People )

I guess I should be nervous, since tomorrow I'm meeting all the guys with whom I'll teach the summer academy this year with for the first time. Except for my wonderful teammate for the astrophysics-course, whom I of course already know. On to new adventures, right? (And to a weekend without the Internet!)

In the meantime, while I try to pack for the weekend (we need to bring bedclothes and a towel, and I want to squeeze everything into my backpack) what I'm actually thinking about is the trip to the USA: is it really smart to take clothes for a week only? Will I manage to wash things on time (by hand in hotel rooms, I guess)? Which books to take with me? Thin pages and small font are of a certain benefit. Oh, and did I mention the big drama of my flight? I don't have a window seat, at least for the flight to Washington D: I think that's the first time in my whole history of flying that I don't have a window seat. Oh well, I guess it's a good chance to work on my 80-books-this-year resolution. And there is the shoes dilemma: I have old skechers flats, which I love and which are my shoes for long walks in warmer weather. But they are old: the velcro fasteners hardly hold anymore, which is really annoying on long walks, because I have to constantly re-fasted them, and the heels are rather lopsided. And I have the same shoes in new. But they are new and new shoes always mean blisters. I had them actually on today and yup, definitely blisters. Why again was I so stupid and did not take the time to break the shoes in last autumn? Stupid me :(

And since I will not only meet a low of new people in rl on the weekend, but also could not pass a friending meme: hi new people! Feel welcome! More infos on me in this entry (old, but things usually don't change that quickly in my life). There is also the keys-tag, which I use on the entries I myself keep coming back to. So in case you want to read up (don't have to! Everything is optional! Questions about pretty much everything welcome always and everywhere!), that's the important part. And given how books are an important part of my life, the 101 things I like in fiction will tell people quite a lot about me. Also, I'm terribly addicted to Goodreads.

And now I really need to try squeezing things into my backpack.

I went out for five minutes during the lunch break to stock up on the sun and the smiles I cannot stop when there is sun in my face (still a bit melancholic and therefore in need for some). And then I've seen the crocuses and the bees and decided that I need to go home and grab my camera - which I did, without my jacket.

Enjoy! (And I promise, no telescopes and buildings this time, though they are still here, of course. Actually, there are two radio telescopes now.)





On the other side of the road, just opposite to my house.

( spring awakening )

That weird moment when you have just booked hotel in NYC and then look into your newly bought Lonely Planet and see it as one of the recommended places in there ... It's a good sign, right?! Otherwise plans so far include The Strand Bookstore (well, that's what happens if you send two bibliophiles anywhere), American Museum of Natural History, Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Frick Collection (the last two have Vermeer paintings, I NEED to see them).

I've also agreed to do one more outreach event in the beginning of May, the first weekend after I come back from the USA. Slightly crazy, but this weekend would be half-gone anyway because of a seminar plus I really enjoyed the outreach thingie last year: nice young people with a lot of great questions about physics, being a woman in natural sciences and studying without financial support from one's family, good food and a rather sobering insight into the manner of behaviour within some other fields then mine.

Otherwise work is eating up my time and brain power and I have my little moments of angst: a friend from university times is thinking about buying a house (how cool is that! :D ) and well, that's my dream, too, especially since I'm someone who is very much in need of a homebase and a place to hide and the stability that a place called home can offer. But I kind of missed to catch that train jumping up onto the science one, which leads ... where? I don't have much time left till I need to think about this very hard. Actually, I better start now. I know where I wand to go, but ... I googled up one of my favourite postdocs from study times, theorist, very, very enthusiastic, quite a nice number of publications and so on - well, he is programming apps for iPhones nowadays :(

** the lines are from a translation of the wonderful Russian children's song The Blue Coach / Голубой Вагон, still the best expression for that weird mixture of happiness and melancholy and tepid hopes for the future.

I've found lately that there is a blatant lack of grapefruit jam out there. That and the fact that my favourite fruit tea is a grapefruit pepper tea lead to the following:



250g of 3:1 gelling sugar (that's gelling sugar allowing for the highest concentration of fruit).


( step by step! )

And now I need to decide what to do with the other 250g of gelling sugar ... Especially given how I actually don't eat much jam at all.

... ok, perhaps I should not be that enthusiastic, given how it killed one of our observations (the satellite went into safe mode due to high radiation background). But there are some amazing videos on ESA news. For much higher resolution (very recommended!), go to the SOHO pick of the week page. And for even more info, there is the NASA page :D And as a small teaser a gif of the last few days of solar activity:



movie from here, grabbed on 8th March at 9:10 Berlin time; courtesy of LASCO/NRL SOHO team, SOHO is an joint ESA / NASA mission.

(I'm not an expert in solar physics, but I'm glad to try to answer any questions :) )

Hi new people :) Feel welcome here! If you want to find out more about me, there is the keys tag, which contain what I consider to be, well, key entries for this place and for me. If you like a very short overview, you can directly go to this entry (things haven't changed much over the last year) and otherwise read yourself through the tag. Don't feel forced, though, I just wanted to mention the possibility. Ask questions any time about pretty much anything; new posts, old posts - conversations are encouraged everywhere.

And now one to 15 random things from the last few days:

1. FRA – IAD (Washington), JFK (New York) – FRA booked; booking flights and hotels is always a trial. So much money spent! In case people are interested: I spend about 1000€, which I don't really have, so far for this work trip. Which I'll get back ... later. Yes, I could get an advance. I actually will. But it does not work if you find out that you fly at all and when on the last day before the block reservation for the conference runs out. I'm not complaining, I just kind of wanted to mention this in the light of some recent discussions I had/read on spending money on work-related things.

2. Limnos! Such a good wine.

3. Also: I can't withstand a good cocktail. Worse even: I can't withstand an okay-ish cocktail.

4. American burgers are only good in the USA. Or at least in the Americas (I've not had one in Canada or so yet).

5. I seem to get more and more into South American Literature. Newest discovery: Roberto Bolaño. I'm not yet done with his Nazi Literature in the Americas, but it's already now a book I would recommend. Especially if you are even a little bit into books about books and meta commentary in general.

6. I need a dog. Can't get one, but oh, I want one.

7. Well, perhaps some of my outfits are inspired by personal style blogs. But I'm not going to feel bad about it. Especially not if it's about great dress-as-a-skirt combinations.

8. For random reasons I ended up watching the last boxing world championship game. Klitschko against whomever ... Less boring than I expected. Which reminds me that if I ever want to properly write Trevor (and in parts also Alina) I'll need to find out more stuff about boxing. And wrestling, which was the actual first inspiration for Trevor (yes, I know, it's not really real). And whatever else exists in that direction (preferably with less rules and more blood). Oh well, but right now I don't have the time to properly write and not only think about writing anyway.

9. It feels really good when much more senior scientists take one seriously and see one as collaborators with less experience and not as students. Yay!

10. Whenever somebody teaches or advises you (especially if it is at university), never forget to thank them if they did it well. There is more often than you imagine more to teaching than you can see, both time-wise and regarding emotional involvement. A "thank you", especially a "thank you – and this is what you did well and why" is quite likely to make someone's day. (I wish I did this more often when I was a student myself.)

11. I hate being an authoritative teacher. Unfortunately, sometimes there is no way around it. Especially when people just don't listen to your explanations because they know better and generally don't bother and give you new versions of their lab reports with half of your comments on the last version ignored (while others gladly accept and understand and improve and ask questions and in general make teaching fun, because you really see how the time you invest into it makes a difference). One would think that students, at university, would be different and would actually want to learn.

12. I'm not one of those people who can fall asleep watching TV. No matter what is on.

13. Flea markets are the death to any resolutions:

( pretty things and pretty letters )

14. ♥'s parents' village used to be one of those tiny places where you only had house numbers, no street names. Since the village grew organically over the years, the house numbering was of course absolutely chaotic. So now things changes: there are five proper street names with odd numbers on the right and even numbers on the left side of the road. And somehow I, who never really lived here, feel bereft of a little story, which used to be part of my life.

15. I could still survive on appetisers only in Greek places. Hmmmmm ... Grilled greek cheese. And octopus. And grilled green chillies. And, and, and ...